Stagnation

You get up.  You eat a carb-filled breakfast.  You complacently get through your work day. You run errands. You don't get everything done that you planned.  You settle for an unhealthy dinner.  You watch some TV.  You go to bed.

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

It's just how life is.. right?  You eat, sleep, and work, and try to make life better for your kids than it was for you.  You imagine things that are the epitome of the "American Dream" and are convinced it's just that - a dream.  What was once a real possibility, at some point became a child's fairy-tale.  You don't have time to do any of that.  You've got work and bills.  You don't keep up with your hobbies, because you're exhausted after your long day.  What's the point?  It's not like your hobby would ever amount to anything... right?

This is my fear.  Stagnation and decay.  As a young girl, I dreamed of New York City.  I dreamed of being on broadway.  I've all but given up on it, because I am afraid.  I've never allowed myself to believe it's possible.  Even now I think, "It's too late.  I'm 21 already and I have no experience besides a middle school solo award."  Even discussing it, I wait for people to laugh.  How could I ever amount to anything like that?

It's this thought process that squashes dreams.  This willingness to listen to all the NO's out there.  The "you can't do it"'s.  The "you don't have enough talent"s.  The "where would you even begin?"s.   Who am I kidding?  These aren't from "out there."  These things are inside me.  I'm not sure where they came from, but they're within me, killing me slowly.

Maybe I've given up on broadway, but I haven't given up on everything.  I'll live the kind of life that I'll be proud of.